Friday, August 25, 2006

My Sci-Fi Kind of Life

Hi there everyone. I figured it's about time for an update.

It was turning out to be a boring summer - I didn't think I would have anything exciting to post about. Well, at least not personally. There has been all kinds of excitement for my sister and my cousins. Lots of excitement there.

But, you know, you can only get so much enjoyment experiencing excitement vicariously. Not that I need to experience the joys of a newborn in a
first-hand-it's-all-mine-to-take-home-and-feed kind of way. That is a joy that I, at this point in my life, am willing to enjoy from afar.

But still...

Nothing was really happening. Oh, I know, we finished the chicken tractor and...well, I'll just save that for another post.

Other than that, nothing really.

Nothing until...that fateful day.

Now, I am only recounting this episode here for purposes of providing you with an interesting post to read. If you have already heard about it, on the news say, you can just go ahead and skip it. I know the coverage was pretty extensive, what with me being a hero, or heroine, and all.

It all started one morning at work when we were pondering that most perplexing of real estate dilemmas: What are we going to eat for lunch? As always, it was a tough decision considering the vast array of culinary delights available in our small coal region town. Why there's hoagies (subs or grinders for those of you who don't speak Coal), Burger King, pizza, Chinese food and...and...um... did I say pizza yet? Well, ok then, I guess I've covered it.

Then we remembered that there is a new restaurant in the train station that our local movers and shakers lovingly restored. Like a real restaurant. With sandwiches made of stuff other than lunch meat. Real swank like that.

So we called and had a menu faxed (We love technology!) and placed our orders. Usually we have someone drive and another person ride shotgun to do the actual getting of the food. Mainly because parking can often be an issue. However, as fate would have it this particular day, I was the only one able to go at the prescribed time. Also, the train station has its own parking lot so, no big deal.

Now, because of the odd layout of the streets in this particular little town, I had to go up one certain street, cut through the parking lot of a shopping area and then head back in the direction from which I came in order to get to the station lot.

Just about one block before I had to turn into the parking lot, I noticed some people running toward me. Well, not really toward me - more like away from something that was located in the direction that I was currently heading. Then there were more people - really frightened looking people - and some were screaming.

Spurred on by curiosity, bravery and the thought of a hot turkey sandwich with swiss cheese grilled on homemade Italian bread, I continued on into the parking lot. I passed by the Rite-Aid and the Family Dollar and then, out of the corner of my eye, my right eye to be exact, I saw it. On the roof of the liquor store. It was gigantic. People were franticly running away, tripping and falling over themselves, desperate to get out of the area.

"I have to do something!" I thought. So, I pulled the car over and took a picture. Be prepared, you have never seen anything like this.


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Then I continued on to the restaurant. I parked my car and started to walk in thinking, "Boy, that was a really big bug and I can't wait to eat that sandwich!"

Then, all of a sudden, like a big surpise, the bug leaped from the Wine and Spirits store onto the roof of the station! I ran back to my car to grab my camera and get another picture because no one will ever believe this - that's a really far jump! Even for a big bug like that.


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I mean that was across a parking lot, a road, another parking lot and a set of railroad tracks. It's far!

Then, the people in the restautrant started coming out to see what the big Bang! on the roof was all about. When they noticed the creature, they all started screaming and running away. That commotion made the restaurant workers come out to investigate and, they too, became afraid and started to run. It was then that I realized "If there is no one in the restaurant, I'm not going to be able to pick up lunch!"

I managed to catch the arm of a waiter running by.

"Hey, I have to pick up my lucnh order."
"What?!! Don't you see that..."
"Katydid"
"...that thing..."
"It's a katydid."
"Yeah, well, whatever. It's on the roof of the restaurant and you're outta your mind if you think I'm going back in there!"
"But what about my lunch order? We watied 20 minutes..."
"Forget it, lady!"

I knew I was going to have to do something. Something. But what?

I turned to the waiter and said "Wait here." And then I said "Heh, that's kind of funny, isn't it? You - a waiter - wait here. You know wait. Like on tables and stuff. But that's not what I mean."

The waiter said " ."

"Ok, just don't go anywhere."

With nothing but the thought of a grilled turkey sandwich driving me, I crossed the railroad tracks and climbed up on to the roof of the train station. I could hear people saying "Look! Look at that woman! She's a freaking nut!"

I got onto the roof and the giant katydid turned to me. I slowly approached and tried to make polite conversation.

"Click, click," I said.
The katydid said "Click."
I sat down next to the katydid. "Click. Click, click, click."
Tha katydid replied. "Click, click. Click."
We went on, clicking back and forth for a while, until I found out that the katydid was hoping to find it's way out of town and head south. After some more clicking, I explained that the katydid was in luck because the road right in front of the station was a major north/south corridor for the area. All it needed to do was catch a ride out of town. The katydid, understandably, was concerned that no one would want to give a giant katydid a ride. I offered to go back down to the roadway and see if I could negotiate safe passage out of town. The katydid was thrilled with this idea and graciously said "Click."

I climbed back down the building and headed back over to the road, passing the slack jawed waiter on the way. "Don't you go anywhere" I said. He replied "uuuuhhhhh..."

I stood along the road waiting for an appropriate sized vehicle to come along. Forutnately, it didn't take too long for the ideal ride. A large truck was heading toward the scene and I stepped out into the lane and flagged it down. After a brief explanation of the situation, the driver was more than happy to assist.

I walked back to the parking lot for the station and called up to the katydid, "Click! Click, click, click. Click, click!"

The katydid turned and gracefully hopped from the roof of the train station on to the top of the trailer. It waved its antennae and said "Click, click!"

I turned and headed back into the station, amidst cheers and applause, and picked up the lunch order.

Needless to say, I have received a key to the town and they named a holiday after me. I've had numerous requests for appearances on talk shows and I have already been approached by Spielberg to sell my story for a major Hollywood block buster.

However, I have decided to turn it all down. I'm no hero, or heroine. I just tried to arrange a ride out of town for a giant katydid.

Anyone would have done the same.


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6 comments:

Kelly said...

Now that is one heck of a story!!! You did save the day!!! LOL

tony c said...

It all started in my secret laboratory beneath the toxic dump near Hometown.

I raised him from a larva on nothing but Evan Williams Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey, turkey sandwiches, and Yuengling beer. (You'd should have seen how big he was before we switched him to Light Lager.)

And I would've gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!

D.B. Echo said...

That's one big bug.

Arkansawyer said...


Your story
I had to put in a plug for your site again... Sure you don't do this writing thing for a living? I think maybe you should!

Glad you were there to save the day! If I ever have a big bug problem at least I know who to call.......

kilowatthour said...

those are perhaps the best photos i have ever seen.

Jozet said...

LOL!

Those photos are fantastic!!!!