Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Quickie Post Here


Here's my first quickie update.

I just went to Yahoo! and glanced at the news headlines and saw this

U.S. May Ask IAEA to Pressure Iran.

Which, in my haste, I read as this

U.S. May Ask IKEA to Pressure Iran.

And before I even thought about re-reading, my mind barrelled ahead with thoughts of furniture that needed to be assembled, incorrect instructions, not enough parts and confounded Iranians scratching their heads. And the whole time I'm thinking "What? Is this an attempt at sanctions or what?"

And then I went back and read it again.

Hee hee.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Alright, alright, alright. Boy, that didn't last long.

Due to the unforeseen threat by Tony C to come visiting, please disregard the previous post.

No, I'm kidding.

Actually it is due to my big sis calling...

The whole catalyst for the previouse post was the arrival of 660 feet of fence that hubby and I have to install in short order. And the impending gardening season. And the roof leaking during the last rain. And the toilet that won't stop running. And, and, and...

You get the idea.

I thought a sabbatical might be in order. Because I get it in my head that "Oh, I'll just pop on the computer and update the ol' blog..." and then suddenly, two hours later, where did the time ever go? You had no idea I spend that much time on my posts, did you?

Ok, I don't. I often fall victim to the NEXT BLOG button. Like gambling.

OR...the internet in general. "I wonder how much it would cost to ship that draft horse from Illinois?

And there the time goes.

So, in the interest of preserving my blog, my farm and my sanity, I'm going to try my big sis's (she's so smart) suggestion of just doing a quick weekly update thing. Except it may not exactly be weekly. I guess we'll just have to see how it goes. I'm thinking maybe a photo of the week.

Or a haiku.

Or...something else.

At any rate, gosh, thanks guys! I had no idea. So I will try no to dissapoint yous all and I'll keep at it.

And, Mr. Tony C, you don't scare me with phone calls or personal visits. In fact, we'd love to see you. Do you have a pair of wire cutters?

Monday, April 10, 2006

A Swan Song of Sorts

Dear Readers,

I just wanted to let you all know that I'm going to semi-retire the Almost Quintessence blog.

It is fun to chronicle the anecdotes of daily life and especially interesting to read the insightful comments that follow. So I'm not just going to outright delete it. I may be back from time to time.

As it is, though, it tends to become a bit of a distraction from...oh...things like fixing the leaky roof, insulating the cold house, tending to the garden, etc. In short, I am going to shift attention completely rather than trying to give a little bit to this and a little bit to that and never enough to anything.

It would seem that farmer/writers can only be prolific in one thing.

So, there it is.

Thank you for shopping at Almost Quintessence.

The Distracted Management

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Here Lies...Lays...Is Lying...Um...

Guess what today is folks?

That's right! Write Your Own Epitaph Day!

Why, we can have so much fun with death, especially when it's our own!

How about a 4 liner? Non-rhyming.

Poor young Ms. Quintessece
was laid to an early rest
when the bull she was riding
decided 8 seconds was much too long.

I think I like that one. Maybe I'll use it regardless of how I die.

I did a quick search of some epitaphs on...

Wait. I have to stop here a moment and comment on just how hard it is to type the word epitaph let alone say it. When I say epitaph, I feel like I have 3 cotton balls on the tip of my tounge. Epitaph. Epitaph. Epitaph.

Ok, now back to our scheduled post.

...the internet and I found some rather interesting ones. For example...

Here lies a poor unfortunate who was victim of his own imprudence. Drop a tear on his tomb and say, if you please, a psalm 'out of the depths I have cried unto Thee, O Lord,' for his soul. He was only 27 years. 1798.


Here lies a miser who lived for himself, who cared
for nothing but gathering wealth. Now where he is and how he fares;
nobody knows and nobody cares

Those were both annonymous. But my favorite annonymous epitaph by far is this...

I was somebody.
Who, is no business
of yours

You gotta love that.

And now for some others.

Here lies the body
Of Margaret Bent
She kicked up her heels
And away she went.

Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas pedal
Instead of the brake

Truth and History.
21 Men.
The Boy Bandit King --
He Died As He Lived.
(Billy the Kid)

My Trip is Ended.
Send My Samples Home.
(Thomas Campbell)

She failed her breathalizer test
now she lays with the best
(jeanine Custis)

She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her.
(Margaret Daniels)

Here lies the body of Martha Dias,
Who was always uneasy, and not over pious;
She lived to the age of three score and ten,
And gave that to the worms she refused to the men.

Sacred to the memory of Anthony Drake
Who died for peace and quietness sake;
His wife was constantly scolding and scoffin;
So he sought for repose in a twelve-dollar coffin.

On the 22nd of June
Jonathan Fiddle
Went out of tune

So you all get the idea. Here's another one for me.

Here lies the famed Ms. Quintessence,
She died from a case of senescence.
Though her heart was just young,
Her body was done
And her brain - just complete obsolescence.

Go forth and write my good people!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Yeah...that's it...

Good morning everyone! Happy April 4th!

April 4th also happens to be Tell A Lie Day. So, in the spirit of duplicity, I am going to play along.

Here's how it works: I am going to tell a series of things and you have to pick out the lie in each. Ok? Sounds like tremendous fun, doesn't it?

Part I - Right now
1. I had no milk this morning...and by milk, I mean rather than putting the 1%-poor-excuse-for-milk in my coffee, I opened a can of sweetened condensed milk and used that.
2. I am currently wrapped in a pink and blue fleece bathrobe of Southwestern pattern.
3. My daughter wore a tie to school today.

Ok, now you pick out the fib. See how it goes? Ok, let's have more fun!

Part II - At some point previous
1. I stole a turkey from the grocery store.
2. I stole a horse.
3. I stole away in the middle of the night to swim in a neighbor's pool.

Oooo...which one could it be? And aren't we surprised at the other two? Oh, Ms. Quintessence, we never would have guessed!

Part III - About my home
1. I've lost a cat in my house, never to be seen again.
2. It has 80 windows.
3. I broke into it before I bought it.

Hmmm...which could it be?

Part IV - About the people with whom I live
1. One has been on television at least 3 times.
2. One knew how to weld before the end of grade school.
3. One is currently fabricating a lawn cart out of an oil tank.

Getting harder and harder, isn't it?

Part V - My extended family (Sis, you can't tell the secret on this one)
1. One visited with Roger Daltry and Pete Townshend
2. One kept a horse in the garage.
3. One worked - as in real job - at a garage.

Ho ho! Which is the doosey?

Part VI - About my in-laws
1. One smashed his face on a tunnel whilst hitching a ride on a train.
2. One holds a patten for the little plastic thingies in dress shirt collars.
3. One worked as a translator for the armed forces.

Oh! They are all so possible. Or are they?

And last but not least...

Part VII - My job
1. I once had to walk back from a showing because I locked my keys in my car.
2. I once had to get into a house through a window - head first in a skirt - because I locked the keys to the house inside the house.
3. I once showed up late for an appointment because I stopped to save a giant snapping turtle that was trying to cross a 4 lane highway.

Uh oh...which could it be?

Ok, I will post the answers in the comments section so as not to spoil it for anyone.

And when you're done, go out and spread some deceit - but just refer to it as terminological inexactitude and you'll have no trouble.

Happy Tell A Lie Day!

Saturday, April 01, 2006

The Early Fool Catches the Wind

Hi everyone.

It's 5:02am on April Fools's Day. It would seem as though I am the April Fool.

Why, you may ask, am I awake at 5:02am on April Fool's Day? Could it be that I am one of the last to fall revellers of Bunsen Burner Day, taking festivities right into the dawn of April?

No. That wouldn't be the answer.

I'm waiting for my turn in the shower.

And then I'm going to drive two and a half hours to an alternative energy fair where I will walk around with a husband with windmills in his eyes. My hubby gets windmills in his eyes the way greedy people get dollar signs in theirs. He'll be all full of amps and wind speeds and net metering and such.

Do you happen to know that at this very moment I have several 12 foot long fan blades in my yard? Hmmm?

These would be the fan blades he brought home from his new job.

Hubby: Hey there, Supervisor Guy. I see there's some 12 foot long fan blades in the junk pile.
Supervisor Guy: Why, yes. Yes indeed.
Hubby: Can I have them?
Supervisor Guy: What? so. What...uh...what might you want them for?
Hubby: I'm building a windmill of course.
Supervisor Guy: Wha....?

At least that's how I guess it went.

AS it turns out, there was another batch of 12 foot fan blades in the junk pile again this week. I asked hubby if he's going to take them too. You know, to open up a windmill parts place or something. He said they already buried them with other junk to keep, he thinks, the freaks from taking them home.

So, Happy April Fool's Day everyone. May it be full of practical jokes and alternative energy.

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