Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Yeah...that's it...

Good morning everyone! Happy April 4th!

April 4th also happens to be Tell A Lie Day. So, in the spirit of duplicity, I am going to play along.

Here's how it works: I am going to tell a series of things and you have to pick out the lie in each. Ok? Sounds like tremendous fun, doesn't it?

Part I - Right now
1. I had no milk this morning...and by milk, I mean whole-100%-all-the-fat-left-in-it-milk...so rather than putting the 1%-poor-excuse-for-milk in my coffee, I opened a can of sweetened condensed milk and used that.
2. I am currently wrapped in a pink and blue fleece bathrobe of Southwestern pattern.
3. My daughter wore a tie to school today.

Ok, now you pick out the fib. See how it goes? Ok, let's have more fun!

Part II - At some point previous
1. I stole a turkey from the grocery store.
2. I stole a horse.
3. I stole away in the middle of the night to swim in a neighbor's pool.

Oooo...which one could it be? And aren't we surprised at the other two? Oh, Ms. Quintessence, we never would have guessed!

Part III - About my home
1. I've lost a cat in my house, never to be seen again.
2. It has 80 windows.
3. I broke into it before I bought it.

Hmmm...which could it be?

Part IV - About the people with whom I live
1. One has been on television at least 3 times.
2. One knew how to weld before the end of grade school.
3. One is currently fabricating a lawn cart out of an oil tank.

Getting harder and harder, isn't it?

Part V - My extended family (Sis, you can't tell the secret on this one)
1. One visited with Roger Daltry and Pete Townshend
2. One kept a horse in the garage.
3. One worked - as in real job - at a garage.

Ho ho! Which is the doosey?

Part VI - About my in-laws
1. One smashed his face on a tunnel whilst hitching a ride on a train.
2. One holds a patten for the little plastic thingies in dress shirt collars.
3. One worked as a translator for the armed forces.

Oh! They are all so possible. Or are they?

And last but not least...

Part VII - My job
1. I once had to walk back from a showing because I locked my keys in my car.
2. I once had to get into a house through a window - head first in a skirt - because I locked the keys to the house inside the house.
3. I once showed up late for an appointment because I stopped to save a giant snapping turtle that was trying to cross a 4 lane highway.

Uh oh...which could it be?

Ok, I will post the answers in the comments section so as not to spoil it for anyone.

And when you're done, go out and spread some deceit - but just refer to it as terminological inexactitude and you'll have no trouble.

Happy Tell A Lie Day!

5 comments:

anne said...

Ok...did you make your guess?

Well the lie is...

...

drum roll

...

...

THERE WERE NO LIES!

HA HA HA HA HA HA! It's all true! Every last odd thing is true!

It was a big lie right from the start. See...how I said I was going to lie but didn't...get it? That was the lie. Like the whole premise of it was THE lie. Hoo boy, am I clever or what?

Ok, enough of that.

Now go forth and LIE!

Anonymous said...

very funny!!! you never cease to make me laugh. i guess it's all your natural charm and grace. in regards to today,condensed milk in coffee is most excellent, especially in a fleece bathrobe (even pink!) i'm sure hannah looked sweet in her tie. as for your past, was the turkey tastier than the horse (sorry, had to be said) and i hope you waited an hour before tresspassing in the neighbors pool. your house, really no surprises there, sorry. now your co-habitants, hannah deserves to be on tv, even though you'll never see it (again, sorry). if marc needs help making that brilliant lawn cart, i'm sure sabastian can help with the welding. i would keep going through all your questions, but i don't want to inflate miss haluskie's ego going on about her day with the who. so that brings us to your job. what do you mean none of those are lies. i can't believe a professional like you would ever lock keys where they don't belong, or stop to help a really nasty snapping turtle and not end up eating it. finally, cheers to celebrating a day you get to lie to people, although i don't think i could ever do that to someone i really liked. sparky, HAPPY "TELL-A-LIE-(OR EVEN MORE THAN ONE)DAY

Jozet said...

Kenny, is that you?

Or e.e.cummings.

When are you and your side-kick(s) coming down to consult on my lack of landscaping. I will take you out for food and even buy it for you.

And seestor, you did not steal a turkey from a grocery store, did you? How did you manage that? Were you wearing a maternity smock?!

LOL!

cuz e said...

I thought I knew you so well, there are a few stories in there that I have to hear more of.

1. turkey, horse part 1 and 2, and who is the patent holder?

And why didn't you just squirt some milk right in your cup?

anne said...

Ken-
You nailed them all! Although, I didn't eat the turkey. See below. And yes, it's true, I lock my keys everywhere all the time - the car episode only about two weeks old...

Sis-
Ok, on the turkey, I have a confession to make. It wasn't a real turkey, like a Butterball or something. It was a turkey decoration in the grocery store. I know it put a black mark on my soul and I will never be able to enjoy eternity in paradise because of it.

cuz-
See above regarding turkey.

The horse was stolen when at a party one night. It was right after hubby got out of the hospital after fracturing his hip in 5 places (someone smashed into him when he was riding a motorcycle). The neighbor had a horse so I stole it and took it for a ride. Marc tried to ride it too and fell off on his fracturedness. Hilarity ensued. And then I put the horse back. No harm done. Except to my hubby.

Regarding the milk, the goat is done milking. I guess it only lasts for a few months after she has a kid.
Unless...you were referring to something else. In which case, that's loooooong gone.