Thursday, April 06, 2006

Here Lies...Lays...Is Lying...Um...

Guess what today is folks?

That's right! Write Your Own Epitaph Day!

Why, we can have so much fun with death, especially when it's our own!

How about a 4 liner? Non-rhyming.

Poor young Ms. Quintessece
was laid to an early rest
when the bull she was riding
decided 8 seconds was much too long.

I think I like that one. Maybe I'll use it regardless of how I die.

I did a quick search of some epitaphs on...

Wait. I have to stop here a moment and comment on just how hard it is to type the word epitaph let alone say it. When I say epitaph, I feel like I have 3 cotton balls on the tip of my tounge. Epitaph. Epitaph. Epitaph.

Ok, now back to our scheduled post.

...the internet and I found some rather interesting ones. For example...

Here lies a poor unfortunate who was victim of his own imprudence. Drop a tear on his tomb and say, if you please, a psalm 'out of the depths I have cried unto Thee, O Lord,' for his soul. He was only 27 years. 1798.


Here lies a miser who lived for himself, who cared
for nothing but gathering wealth. Now where he is and how he fares;
nobody knows and nobody cares

Those were both annonymous. But my favorite annonymous epitaph by far is this...

I was somebody.
Who, is no business
of yours

You gotta love that.

And now for some others.

Here lies the body
Of Margaret Bent
She kicked up her heels
And away she went.

Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas pedal
Instead of the brake

Truth and History.
21 Men.
The Boy Bandit King --
He Died As He Lived.
(Billy the Kid)

My Trip is Ended.
Send My Samples Home.
(Thomas Campbell)

She failed her breathalizer test
now she lays with the best
(jeanine Custis)

She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her.
(Margaret Daniels)

Here lies the body of Martha Dias,
Who was always uneasy, and not over pious;
She lived to the age of three score and ten,
And gave that to the worms she refused to the men.

Sacred to the memory of Anthony Drake
Who died for peace and quietness sake;
His wife was constantly scolding and scoffin;
So he sought for repose in a twelve-dollar coffin.

On the 22nd of June
Jonathan Fiddle
Went out of tune

So you all get the idea. Here's another one for me.

Here lies the famed Ms. Quintessence,
She died from a case of senescence.
Though her heart was just young,
Her body was done
And her brain - just complete obsolescence.

Go forth and write my good people!

1 comment:

tony c said...

My father's joke:
I Told You I Was Sick

Oddly enough, I went to a funeral Mass today.

I like the Carthusian monks attitude. (They're the ones that make Chartreuse liquor.) They bury the brothers in an unmarked grave, with a plain cross, and say something in Latin which roughly translates:
"He did alright".