Thursday, April 17, 2008

I Cannot Tell A Lie

Actually I can. But apparently not to everyone.

Soooooo...without further ado...

1. I took a gun to school.

You know, I have to wonder what is up when absolutely NO ONE picked this. What, do I look like one of the trech coat mafia? Apperently so.

Well, it IS true that I did indeed take a gun to school. I did not threaten my algebra teacher, even though I would have been the high school hero.

No, the gun was merely a prop for my Demonstration Speech in English class. My topic? How To Clean A Gun. Not that I was demonstrating any particular skill 90% of the class didn't already have.

You know, when I ok'd this with my teacher and principal, the only requirement was that I keep the gun IN MY LOCKER until it was time for class. How crazy is that idea now a days?

Moving right along...

2. My hubby and I broke into our house the night before we bought it.

Again, I have to wonder about the kind of vibes I put out into cyberspace as only one person picked the breaking and entering as the lie. This might give me a complex or something.

It would be well deserved because we did break into the house the night before we bought it. But we had good reason to. At least in our minds.

You see, the house we bought was sold at auction.

And let me just take a little break here for a public service announcement.

Don't ever buy a house at auction. Unless you have a spare mind and soul.

Back to our regularly scheduled post.

We went to the open house because Hey! a farm in our area! Going for auction! Woo hoo! But while we were at the open house, we spent most of our time wandering around thinking "Wow" and "Wouldn't it be cool?" and such. NEVER thinking we would actually buy the darned place.

Flash forward a week and a half to when we decided "Why not? At least give it a try."

So we prepared ourselves to go to the actuion and watch in dismay as the price spiralled ever upward, out of our reach. But! We forgot the fact that we never really looked at the house. You know, with the discriminating eye of a person that actually intends to live there.

We knew there wouldn't be time to check things out - like the elcetircal system and heating system - the day of the auction so it was decided that we had to break in.

See? We had to do it.

Fortunatly, the house was vacant. For something like ... oh.... 7 years. So no big worry there. Also fortunately, one of the windows was left open so we technically didn't "break and enter". It was more like "gently push the window open and enter". I think the sentence for that crime is a little more relaxed.

Here's a funny little aside to that story. As if the story itself isn't crazy enough. When my hubby was in the basement checking out the furnace, I was sitting at the top of the basement steps going through a box of letters that I found on a shelf. Now remember, this was at night, so we were doing everything by flashlight. So there I am, merrily reading along when, all of a sudden, the door behind me opens and there is a flashlight shining right in my face (Hello? Deer in headlights? Hi!) and a gruff voice saying "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???!!!"

To which I replied ", hummina, hummina..."

And then my dear, darling hubby said "It's me."

And then I threw the box of letters down and set upon him in all my fury for having been made to almost wet my pants.

Ah me. That's a nice little story, isn't it?

So, yeah, I broke into my house.

Which brings us to...

3. I have had a needle in my foot since I was 9 years old.


I still remember the day I stepped on this needle and the sickening feeling when in snapped off in my foot. The sickening feeling didn't come from the pain of the needle going into my foot. Nor did it come from the knowledge that is broke off in my foot, a situation that could lead to all sorts of possible complications, not the least of which was having a piece of needle float through my bloodstream and get stuck in my brian.

No, the sickening feeling came from the thought of having to tell my mom.

So I didn't.

For about 3 or 4 months after I got the needle in my foot, I had a little black spot at the point of entry. I remember sitting on the floor one day and pressing on the black spot and having a piece of the needle come out. Eewww, I know.

So, problem solved.

Or was it?

Then, much later in life, when I was 23 or so, I was doing some home rennovations on our first house and spending a lot of time going up and down a ladder. During the course of the project, I had been wearing $2 tennis sneakers - the kind that give no support whatsoever, especially for folks spending a lot of time on a ladder.

Anyway, I ended up with a REALLY sore foot. So sore that I actually thought I might have broken it stepping down off the ladder or something. I finally broke down and went to the ER where they x-rayed my foot. The doc looked at the x-ray and said "You know, you have a needle in your foot?" And I was all "Really?!! Wow! That's been ther forever!"

We - the doc and I - decided that it made me a much more interesting person so we decided to leave it in there.


4. I rode in a motorcycle race.


But I have every intention of doing it one of these days.

5. I rafted a Class 5 whitewater river.

Yes indeedy I did. It was the Gauley River and I'll just let the river folks tell you about it...
The Gauley River
The Gauley River is one of the most challenging in the world. The Upper Gauley is highly technical, requiring great skill to negotiate its narrow chutes and machine-gun rapids. It ranks in the top five in the world for whitewater adventure. The Lower Gauley is a complete, all-in-one rafting experience that features numerous big Class IV and V rapids interspersed by broad pools and tremendous scenery.

Pretty impressive, huh? You might also be impressed to know that we did this in the fall and it was REALLY, REALLY cold. You might also be impressed to know that we drove there from PA, arriving shortly before shove off time, rafted 22 MILES of crazy river, and then drove right back home.

You will probably not be impressed to know that we all cried like babies all the way home because our arms were SO SORE. So sore. I ache even now just thinking about it.

Which brings us to...

6. I caught a runaway cow.

Oh yes I did! Actually it was me and hubby. We were in New York, having a little vacation at my parents' cabin. I forget exactly where we had been but we were on our way home and, what do you know, a cow! Just moseying along the road. We drove past it and just looked at each other like "That was a cow. Not in a fence."

So we turned around and went back, caught the wayward cow, and brought it back to it's farm.

Now a days I'd probably try to find a way to just bring it home.

So! There you have it!

And the winner, drawn by lottery from all correct guessers, is....


Nadzent! Or my couzint-in-law, Nancy!

And she wins a box of Tasteykakes!!!! Woo hoo!!!

I'll have to email you and let you know what kind are at the store.

Thank you all for playing!


Anonymous said...

I can't believe I got it wrong. And for the record it wasn't really a runaway cow. It sounds more like a walk away or stroll away cow, maybe even meander.

wasn't I with you on the B&E. I remember breaking into your house with you.

you should have put something about shooting the tube at the floodie, I'm sure people would have gottna kick outa dat one.

But Maybe that was another time.

Cuz E

Mike Golch said...

I got a lot of the stuff wrong,but I had fun playing along.I hope that you are haveing a good day.

Anonymous said...

i'm disappointed, i thought of all the babes i know, you would have been the one to race a motorcycle. that would have been much more impressive than the stupid cow thing. after all, fen could have gotten a cow back into it's pen, and he could have done it without the marc assist. ken