“You go into some of these small towns in Pennsylvania, and like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing’s replaced them,” Obama said. “And they fell through the Clinton Administration, and the Bush Administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not. And it’s not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.”
Some folks might be wondering what a person from the mining towns of Pennsylvania might think about this. I shall attempt to enlighten yous all forthwith.
Wait. Let me put my gun down. There we go.
…my opinion on the comme…
Hold on, my rosary keeps getting tangled in my fingers as I type. Leeeet me just put that right over here. There, I hung it on the scope of my rifle.
Ok. Now where was I? Ah yes, the quote from Mr. Obama.
Well, you know, when the mines all closed 25 years ago it was really har…
What? They what? More than 25 years? Since after WWII? Really?
Well how do you suppose that mix up happened? The mines done went and closed a whole long time ago. Way more than 25 years. Sheee-ut. Whaddaya know?
And I can really sympathize with the folks that say the unions brought them down. Of course they did! It’s the unions whut’s wrong with Merica anyway. Anyone knows that. The unions destroyed our great and mighty nation with things like safe working conditions and such. How’s a body to make a profit anymore? Dang.
Anyway, I think I’m getting off track here. So, yeah, lack of jobs. Why, most everyone I know is on the dole. I’m third generation unemployment myself. Because there wadn’t nuthin’ but mines here. No stores. No other factories. Nuthin’.
Once them mines left, why, the only new thing that came into town is Wal-Mart. The government brought that in, you know.
So’s we’re bitter now. Real bitter.
Specially ‘cause Wal-Mart don’t sell no Merican made stuff. We don’t like buyin’ nuthin’ twadn’t made in Merica. But it’s cheap, so that’s not so bad after all. But us folk ‘round here just don’t understand that Wal-Mart’s gotta go getting stuff from outside of Merica. We want cheap stuff made in Merica. We’re all An-ti-trade.
An’ they brought immigrants and not-coal-region-people in to work at Wal-Mart, makin’ sure to keep us folks oppressed. Sure they did. Which makes us even more bitter.
And turnt us all An-ti-immigrant.
It don’t make no never mind that all those miners was immigrants to begin with. We only have room for so many and we don’t want no one else comin’ round an immigrantin’ the place all up. We don’t want them here ‘cause the mines closed, see?
Why it’s gotten so bad we had to turn to God ‘n guns. We hold a requiem mass every Sunday for the coal industry and then we all go out to our local former breaker and give a 21 gun salute.
And it’s a shame ‘cause we never even knew what God and guns was before the mines closed.
I have to hand it to Mr. Obama, he came here not knowin’ much about us here folks and he hit the nail right on the head. Shoot, he’s pretty smart for a politician.
If they’d just open them mines back up, we could stop goin’ to church, huntin’ deer, avoiding Chi-Chi’s…
It’s a good thing we don’t have to worry about stuff like the war, the economy, the environment, health care an such. Thinkin’ about that stuff might get us all confused onnacounna we got our heads all busy with being bitter ‘bout the mines closing. It’s a good thing we got folks that know words like “antipathy” taking care of things.
I only got one gripe an’ one gripe only with what you said, Mr. Obama, and that is, if you done went an’ scared off all those immigrants I was plannin’ on sellin’ goat meat to, I’ll show you what bitter really is.
I was the son of an immigrant. I experienced bigotry, intolerance and prejudice, even as so many of you have. Instead of allowing these thing to embitter me, I took them as spurs to more strenuous effort.
- Andre Bernard Buruch
*I didn't forget about the Pick The Lie prize. I promise I'll take care of it this week.