Monday, April 11, 2005
My First Movie Review
Attack From Space is a Japanese sci-fi movie from the 60's that I purchased from the verylowpricedmovie bin at our local record store. (Yes, they actually sell some records.) We watched it this past Saturday night, anxiously waiting to see what our hero, Straman, would do to save the earth from nuclear war this time. I say "this time" because we also have another of Starman's movies and the general storylines go something like this...
The Emerald Planet sensed that, once again, things have gone awry on Earth and those crazy Earthlings are, once again about to destroy everything with nuclear weapons or crazy rockets of some sort. They send Starman who, with the powers given to him by a special Timex, can fly, detect radioactivity and be a generally all around great guy.
Starman flys to Earth in his spandex suit with Super Wedgie and goes about the business of setting things straight. Starman isn't exactly what you would call "cut". He's got some heft to him and his spandex suit gives no illusions as to where the lines of his briefs are. Let's just say we know he's not weraing a thong. Also, if you have the chance to see "Atomic Rulers of the World", you will get to see a great scene where Starman flies through a rainstorm sporting Super Nipples.
Starman, or course is Japanese. The bad guys are, of course, suspiciously American looking with some Japanese helpers. All of this is dubbed over in English so it is very possible that the bad guys are any number of other nationalities - but, really, they're American.
In Attack From Space, Starman fights one of the longest fight scenes that I've ever witnessed. Nevermind that some of it is the same footage played twice and sometimes three times. It was exhausting just to watch. All I can say is Quentin Tarantino is a dirty ripoff artist and Uma Thurman fighting the Crazy 88 has nothing on Starman fighting the Superians.
The best part of the movie is when Starman saves the pretty girl. He always saves her by flying away with her after telling her "Hold on tight to me", at which point, depending on whether or not the kids are in the room, we can interject all sorts of other fun possible dialogue.
So there you go. In my book, Attack From Space gets Parmesan.
Parmesan - good strong cheese, no goo
Mozzarella - very cheesey, lots of goo, almost embarrassing to watch
Brie - it stinks