The Political Commentary You've All Been Waiting For

Well.

Since the planets aligned and I happened to have off on a beautiful, warm day, I decided to try to plant a hydrangea yesterday.

I had a general idea of where I wanted to put it but, once I scoped out the area, I realized, as with all things in life, I would have to dig out a thorn bush first.

I've done this type of thing before. It's never pretty.

Armed with a lobster and an axe, I defiantly approached the bush. Ok, really I had loppers and a hatchet. However, I am so experienced at this particular battle that it wasn't going to go any easier with my weapons of destruction than if I did have a guitar and crustacean as my only tools of removal.

I took to the bush like a woman possessed. Chopping. Slashing. Slashing. Chopping.

***Let me just pause here a moment to say that if you are ever of the mind to remove a bush, and in the process you notice it has yellow roots, you may as well pack you bags and move because it would be easier.***

Back to our post.

Chopping. Slashing. Cursing. Kicking. Throwing. Hurting. Kneeling. Weeping. Sobbing.

The bush is gone.

I am a broken woman. My back aches. My hip joints feel like they could use a little WD-40. My neck is stiff and showing the first signs of a killer migrain. My feet are covered in blisters. My hands are puffy and red, pierced by thorns, many of which have yet to be removed.

But the bush is gone.

So, you might ask "Well, what about the hydrangea? I just won't be able to sleep tonight unless I hear the whole story!"

The rest of the story goes like this...

With the evil yellow-rooted bush now departed, I began to dig the hole for the new, kinder bush. I tried to loosen the dirt with the pitchfork. It was going along fine until I hit a solid patch with a "ding" that sent a pain up my arms so strong it made my chiropractor smile.

A rock.

There was no way around it. It too would have to come out.

After another oh, say fifteen hours of digging, I was able to get the edge of the fork under it and pry it to the surface. When I did, it flipped over and revealed itself as a big blob of broken bricks, concrete and brown glass.

What the hell is up with that?

I can only guess that these are the leftovers of the bricks, mortar and beer that were necessary to build the pump house. The rest of the loose bricks and broken bottles were underneath.

As luck would have it, I had run out of time and had to pick up my son from track practice.

The hydrangea makes a lovely centerpiece on our dining room table.

So what, my dear readers, is the moral of the story?

It is simply this: Thorny, evil Bushes are yellow-rooted cowards that mess up your sunny day and even after you manage to get rid of them - even if it takes 8 years! - things are going to still be screwed up.